It’s widely known and accepted that October is candy month, and though Egg Nog makes its first appearance within, it lays low. But when the clock strikes midnight, a full two month window of excellence begins. Egg Nog will be front and center, filling my heart with joy and other things that will no…

My lifestyle has its pros and cons, but I think the good generally outweighs the bad. I’m not very active, which is likely to take a toll on my mind and body as I get older, leaving someone likely to find my bloated corpse sprawled out on my apartment floor after I’m late with my…

A group of bald eagles is loose in a courtroom and annoying everyone with their horrible screeching. The court reporter notices they screech once after a suspect lies and twice when they tell the truth, and begins independently investigating the case upon recess. Eventually the court reporter’s theory is proven false and he loses his…

Life is a smoldering pile of garbage, but the month of October brings us the luxury of impersonating someone else for a while. Whether or not it’s for a Halloween party is your business, but it’s always fun to reap the benefits of playfully assuming someone’s identity. Just ask my dad, who’s been wearing a…