It’s widely known and accepted that October is candy month, and though Egg Nog makes its first appearance within, it lays low. But when the clock strikes midnight, a full two month window of excellence begins. Egg Nog will be front and center, filling my heart with joy and other things that will no doubt cease it from beating.

I will die a shameful early death, but I will not be thirsty. Or hungry. Or whatever it is Egg Nog stops you from being that isn’t alive.